Shaken Faith

On Monday of this week, I had my faith shaken something awful. Without going into details, I had time to reflect on whether or not I was following the right path, not to mean I was contemplating following a different path of worship, so to speak. Just as to whether following any path was logical, reasonable, feasible or simply worth all the faith and effort I put into it. I even considered becoming an Athiest. I play by all the rules. I often give worship. I've even gone as far as to pray to other faiths' deities, to no avail.

I'm not a devout follower of any religion, whether it be the Christian/Catholic faith, Wicca, or even praying to the porcelain god. Instead, I incorporate quite a few different denominations into my daily life. I have a cute Buddha statue and a Mother Mary statue on my altar along side of my sage smudge stick and my pentacle drawn on a marble slab. I celebrate (as I stated in my last post) all of the Wiccan or Pagan Sabbats, as well as Christmas and Easter (these two mainly because they were what I was raised on). And I'm continually scouring the internet to learn as much as I can about other religions. Why? Because I like to believe there is something/one out there for us little humans, I think we need that and in these times, I think that many of us need something to believe in to keep us going day after day.

I know in some religions, it is said to worship anything other than god, is to pay homage to a false icon. Well, that I don't believe because there are so many religions out there and there can't only be one deity to pray to, talk to, worship, or even tell jokes to and no one faith is the best one or the be all, do all of religion. But my faith in any Higher Power out there was sorely tested on Monday. I am still coming to terms with whether or not I want to deconstruct my altar or center of worship, I'm not sure. Once instilled in you, it's a tough thing to let go of all the learning you've accumulated over the years, I'm not sure that I'm ready to let go yet, which is why I said my faith has been shaken and not just gone entirely.

I have a great many Christian/Catholic friends who continually support me and my precarious emotional state when things happen to me that make me question why I even bother to pray, meditate, or even just say hi to whoever is out there listening to us poor pathetic humans...yes, even those cold-hearted bastards on Mr. Olympus! LOL I ask them, purely from a respect aspect, not to tell me to pray to God or anything like that and they don't. I'm thankful that I have friends that don't try to "shove their religious preferences down my throat."

So while I try to come to terms with my anger, my disappointment, my confusion, I will also be deciding whether or not I will continue on this path I'm on now, or just let go of it all completely. Which, if I do decide to let go completely of any faith, that will be the end of this blog because you cannot do magick if you do not have faith, faith that there is something out there guiding us, helping us in someway, believing in us back.

What are your thoughts on this? And please don't try to convert me to your belief system, thank you.

Much Luvz, Witchie!